Cant Sleep..

Im exhausted. But its only 11.05 in west coast time.. who am I kidding? I should be saying its ALREADY my bedtime soon since I hit the sack at midnight.

The plane ride sucked. I sat next to this guy who was fairly.. large. I think large would be an understatement. I dont know if planes made him nervous or if he were breathing like he would on the ground, but the dude was all heaving and ho-ing as if he had just climbed a mountain. Even with my earphones on, I could hear his erratic breathing, which wasnt very pleasant to listen to for a five hour ride. After his nap, he decided to get up all in my face and laugh at the tv or read something funny in his magazine or computer and burst out laughing. Strike two. And to top it all off, he had to go to the bathroom.. a total of six times, waking me up four out of six. Awesome.

I love travelling and discovering new places. Not even new cities or countries, but revisiting the places that I have been to to discover something different, something I didnt catch the time before. My perspective is ever-changing (along with my attitude) and I find myself seeing things in another light. But sometimes, the places I visit or the people I hang out with disappoint. I think a lot more is true for the people part, because I have this image of friends that I hold to be true. I remember things about them that make up who they are, and build them up to be the best friend I always wanted. The one I could go to for everything. The one that would understand me always. The one that would tell me everything would be ok, even if it wasnt going to be. I realize that every disappointment I feel isnt really the fault of others, but 100% my own. Its unfair, to say the least, to be compared to an expectation that is impossible to match. Talk about having high standards.

Chuck Palahniuk said, “The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.”

My ideas, fantasies and expectations are all my own. And I will keep them that way. It seems as if everything in the world is fleeting. Money, love, life.. nothing really lasts.. except my imagination. And my imagination has been going wild lately. Maybe its because of people that help cultivate it, or a breath that has breathed into it new life. Or maybe its just beginning to wake from winter sleep and ravaging everything in its path to feed itself.. and with it comes motivation and hope.

Winter quarter and the mistakes that came with it are gone. Dead and gone.