i gots seoul

i wanted to go to korea so much in high school, probably because all my friends went. especially the summer after senior year. i remember begging my mom to let me go. but it clearly wasnt going to happen. this time we were going with a mission, unlike my friends who frequently visit korea to play. my grandma was finally going back and that was the reason why my sister and i were going.. to accompany her to her birthplace.

going to korea was surreal.. when i look back, i dont even feel like i was there because living in palpark and la, im so used to being around asians. the major differences were 1. the weather, 2. everyone was a couple, 3. all guys had manbags, 4. meeting family.

i never knew i had so many family members.. i always thought there were only a few aunts and uncles and that was it (strange that i never thought that they had kids..). after having met aunts, uncles, over 20 cousins and even nieces and nephews, i was overwhelmed. and even though i havent seen them in over 18+ years, or havent met some of them at all, it didnt feel awkward.. for too long. they were quick to welcome us, open their arms and take us in, feed us, clothe us and spoil us. it felt weird being so close to some of them even though it was the first time meeting them.. i guess thats what blood stands for.

the worst part of the trip (besides the weather and sickness/surgery) was parting with halmuhnee. she has been a part of my life since the day i was born. she raised me and made me the person i am today. i owe her the world, and now i feel like i ditched her. the morning of the day of departure was one of the worst mornings ever.. worse than my mom yelling at me to wake up, worse than not having slept at all, worse than the morning of a final i didnt study for..

i miss her. coming home to an empty house feels wrong. something seems wrong when i search the house and i cant find her.

but trials and hardships make people stronger. i'll survive this as i did everything so far. i am going to become a better person and make sure i succeed and show her how good ive done.

_seoulja.