stuck

as i sit here on the plane ride from la to nj, i can't help but want to go back. i want to see my seniors graduate and party with them to celebrate their exit from college and entry into the real world. i want to go back and move my belongings into the new apartment. i want to go back and hang out with the people that i have come to love and cherish. i want to go back and keep things the way they were.

this is how i feel everytime i move from coast to coast - i want to go back to the other as soon as i get to one place. i know that my time on the east coast will be well-spent and i try to constantly tell myself that, but it doesn't work very well. although my high school friends and family are in nj, i don't have a strong connection with anything and anyone else anymore. when i fly to and from la, i have several friends i know i can ask to pick me up/drop me off at the airport. in nj, i don't really have anyone that i can ask to do that. it's not to say that this is the way I measure friendships but it is an example of how i feel like i belong in la, for now. i love the east coast and the bustling atmosphere. i love that there's public transportation (dirty, yet effective). i feel alive when im in ny. but i love too (most of the time). i love the weather. i love the friends that i've made. i love that i can get away and can't be found if i don't want to be. so where is home? i've been referring to la as my home for some time now. it's where i've been living for 2 years and my time there has also been an investment. i have built up what i believe to be a strong network and an awesome group of friends that i can't imagine life without. but i guess only time can tell where i will end up after college. i'm torn because i don't know where i want to live after college. i don't know which city i want to apply to for work. but, these are things i have no control over as of right now. i plan to live life for today and not worry about things that i don't have to worry about. i need to learn how to enjoy life and not be caught up in minor details that do nothing but complicate things.

hopefully this summer will be eventful and i will be able to accomplish all the goals i have set for the couple of months that i am in nj. here listed are some short-term goals/events that i want to reach or am doing this summer:

1. go to Korea to see my family on both sides for the first time and enjoy traveling despite the weather
2. say bye to my grandma for the first time and see her for the last time
3. come back to nj and start my commercial real estate investment internship in queens
4. find and start a part-time internship in the city for design/fashion/interior design
5. tutor and start saving for next quarter's tuition
6. come home everyday and make dinner for mom and sister
7. wake up and run every morning- end goal of 6 miles
8. be optimistic even in the most negative circumstances
9. meet with as many people as I can to extend both my professional and social network
10. write in my blog everyday to record my life, my growth, my shortcomings, my rants, and the changes that i go through

i want to be able to do all of these things, and more. i will start with these ten things and then extend the list if needed.

thats it for now.
_joochu